Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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