love makes seman taste better
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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