her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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