you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
