just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
