Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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