evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
