...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
