I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
