Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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