my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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