You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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