why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don't deserve a penis
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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