I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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