the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
