This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
