I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
