well you can't waste a boner
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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