anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
