walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
