I don't remember. Are we still dating?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
