I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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