At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Randomize
