I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
