On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
