even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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