im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
