There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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