he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
