dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
