the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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