The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
