i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
