i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
