I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
