Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
