Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
