He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
