Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
