3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
