your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
