Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
