Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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