just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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