Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
