Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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