I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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