I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
