he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
