I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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