We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
