census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she pinky promised me she was 18
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
