He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
