I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Text me some of your sweat
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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